Parents, please read!

No matter how ready and committed your young adult is to changing, please keep in mind that NO young adult really wants to be in a structured program. You should expect that your child will attempt to sabotage the process at some point. Some of the common sabotages are:

Splitting: This happens when the young adult attempts to align with one parent against the other and can happen within married couples as well as divorced couples. Parents who are in disagreement about placement or the level of care should work to resolve these differences prior to making a commitment to a program. Parents can prevent splitting by:

• exploring the level of commitment each parent has to supporting the program and doing what is necessary to provide a united front to the student about the family’s commitment;
• keeping each other informed about calls from the student and any disgruntlement the student is experiencing;
• using the resources at the program to learn how address the student’s concerns without fostering splitting.

Triangulation: This can occur when the student attempts to align with the parents against the program. This usually happens if the parents have reservations about the placement or the financial investment and are looking for excuses to remove the student from the program. Parents can avoid this by:

• honoring the communication restrictions at the initial orientation of the program;
• checking with the program about any complaints or assertions the student is making in regards to his/her care before validating these to the student;
• communicating openly with the program about parents’ concerns rather than expressing these to the young adult.